Testimony

Welcome, to my blog page. l am a casual adjunct lecturer at Harvest Bible College Melbourne Victoria http://www.harvestbc.com.au/public/home.asp and my heart is to see people walk in all that God has called them to be, to see them grow in the understanding of the Word of God, and to live passionate, devoted and victorious lives in the power of the Holy Spirit of God.

If you continue to read further you will see that my life was intersected by the suicide of my precious daughter. This has catapulted me on a very different path than the one l had so perfectly planned. Through my experience l saw a need for people to be educated as to how to deal with families or people who have lost loved ones in such a violent way. As a consequence l now find myself writing a Doctoral paper on Suicide,and enabling ministers to effectively minister into these tragedies. Why? In a hope that this will assist those in the future to clearly articulate a theology on the eternal destinies of suicides and to bring the subject out of the darkness into the light, to strip off the guilt and the shame and to impart God’s peace in this trauma. Along with this l have written a book entitled “The Morning After Suicide” (now published), to reach the everyday person who has survived this tragedy based on Jade’s life and the crippling aspect of post-natal depression that can go sadly missed by those closest to these people and health professionals.

This blog will host a variety of subjects with practical application for life, in a hope that you will be inspired and empowered to live and walk in all that God has for you. And if you don’t know God yet, perhaps these articles will prompt you towards that end.

My heart is to preach the Word of God and make it relevant for life! I am a grace preacher/teacher, bringing to the fore the power of God’s grace that enables us to go through any gut wrenching experience that life throws in our path.

If you would like to invite me to speak to your Church or ministry group please leave your contact details.

My Testimony in brief:

l have come from a background of 20yrs in the cult of Jehovah’s Witnesses, breaking free from that cult cost me my children and my friends. l spent 10yrs in the wilderness where l had to rebuild my shattered life. l mourned the loss of custody of my children, my friends who would walk down the street past me and look through me as though l was a stranger to them.

l felt as though l was a criminal – that was how l was treated – my crime was that l wanted freedom from a religion that was controlling, oppressive, works orientated which basically just wore me out. A marriage where receiving gentleness and caring as a woman from a husband were not an option. l suffered post natal depression after the birth of my daughter and there were no comforting words spoken to me, no assistance  in fact there was a denial that there was even any issue of post natal depression possible! From a doctor no less! l thank God today that a local council health sister kept tabs on me, things could have turned out a lot different.

When l left the court room after 7 gruelling days of feeling like l was on trial for murder with my ex husbands family in the front row each day with such hate filled glares towards me the verdict was read. My drive home was the most desperate emotional hour. l drove to the cliffs of Mt. Martha and there l perched as l contemplated running my car off the cliff. Overwhelmed with grief and shame l felt such desperation that the only way out seemed to me to drive over the cliff, l could see no possible way to move forward from that point, l saw no possible hope for a future.

Then as my car was idling and l was about to put the car into gear, an audible voice said ‘they will need you one day’ and their faces flashed before my eyes. And in an instant a peace came over me that gave me a glimpse of hope and l drove home. l never questioned that voice, l just turned the car around and drove home. But the next 10years would not prove to be easy and there was only one way l knew of how to cope, to block it all out.

After l left l was a tain wreck emotionally; dealing with the shunning of some of my closest friends of 10+yrs, dealing with the hatred that my ex husband and his family exhibited towards me, no longer being a key figure in the life of my children, not to mention the sense of shame and failure.

Listening to my children tell me that their father refered to me as ‘poison’ and knowing that the new stepmother was a vicious woman and how she and her equally vicious daughter taunted my daughter Jade continually, calling her ‘devils child’ and yet l was powerless to do anything about it. lt was a long, lonely road and equally as difficult for my children,who were also torn as far as loyalty was concerned to their now estranged parents, all the more compounded by a hateful stepmother, and a father who stood by and let her behave so abominably towards them.

To numb the pain l resorted to smoking pot daily and immersed myself into a life of fitness, quite an oxymoron. After approximately 10yrs l met my now husband Martin, who now in hindsight was a gift from God to heal my brokenness. However, when he became a Christian 1yr later we decided to part ways, because as far as l could determine from my experience religious people weren’t the kind of people l ever wanted to be associated with again.

After about 6 months l decided to check out this Christianity for myself and ask a few questions of a pastor l looked up in the phone book. l invited him over and had my list of 20 questions and l reasoned to myself that if he could successfully answer my questions l would give this Christianity a go! The first question was that he explain to me the Trinity. In my opinion he didn’t answer it sufficiently. Then l asked him the next question, which l also felt he didn’t answer adequately. Then he turned to me and asked me ‘whether l wanted to argue with him or give my heart to the Lord’ as he looked at me across the kitchen table. l burst into tears and said yes. 3 months later Martin and l were married.

Not long thereafter my son and daughter gave their hearts to Jesus after a Sunday morning service, they asked the pastor if they could say a prayer and become born again. l was so surprised and of course delighted that they as young teenagers made that decision for themselves. l think back on and remember with gratitude that voice l now know to have been God’s that said ‘one day they will need you’ that moment had come, now they were secure with God for eternity.

As l walk through the pain of my daughters suicide l also know that she is eternally secure with the Lord because of that moment when she said yes to Jesus, no destortion of mind, no agenda of the enemy can sever that link. If my becoming a Christian was just for that moment in time, then all the heartache to walk away from the cult and the oppressive life l had -  it was all worth it – to see her again and hold her in my arms and tell her how much l love her… for to be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord!  

The adventure continues with God and l  never know where it will take me…it has been a journey of restoration, learing to forgive, growing in God, enjoying the freedom that comes with knowing Jesus as my Savior and having the Holy Spirit in me; guiding me, leading me and strengthening me each and every day.

There have been some good times, some bad and some tragic, but in it all my God has been faithful and my husband has been faithful.