THE MORNING AFTER SUICIDE & REVIEWS

Have you been affected by the loss of someone who you love through suicide?  Are you looking for some answers to bring closure as to their eternal destination? 

Are you plagued with suicidal thoughts? Do you want to know why, you are having these thoughts?

There are many questions that are left unanswered when such an event happens to someone we love. As part of my own journey the Lord in all His grace has given me some key insights into this field and if you fit any of the above categories l believe this book will speak to those questions.

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REVIEWS

Review by Christian Ayling – Author of “Harvesting Hope” November 2011

As I picked up The Morning After Suicide, I wondered how this was going to read. Was I about to experience 107 pages of unimaginable pain, a grieving mother’s diary of gut-wrenching prose? I looked at the book but didn’t open it straight away. I wasn’t sure how this was going to impact me. After reading the composed, thought-provoking introduction, I have to admit, I was a little surprised to find myself relax. The words, “This is a journey in the power of God’s grace”, were reassuring. With three parts to this work, chapter one was difficult to read. The haunting date, “July 7^th 2010, would start out like any other day”, sets the scene of a devastating day.

A day that could be likened to a Hollywood movie script. A day where Staley’s daughter would take her own life, and that of her son. The moments before Astrid Staley’s life would never be the same. Pondering about work, losing weight for filming, maybe some new clothes… “My thoughts were interrupted as my mobile rings, it’s 7am, I look at the name on the display and it’s my son. Why would he be ringing at this hour; perhaps he’s inviting me for dinner.”

We are taken on an intimate journey of some background on Jade’s life, conversations with family, Police trying to piece together and make sense of a surreal nightmare, identifying the body and reflections on misreporting of media and there’s the reactions of others with such a controversial tragedy, let alone being a Christian and then add Pastor to the mix.

Part two changes tone and direction significantly. This is where you see Staley’s intelligent argument as we dive into the history of various civilizations starting with the evolution of Greek Mythology right through to
the modern age, and how we have arrived at the opinions and doctrines surrounding suicide and Christianity before we wind up in part three, a personal perspective.

The Morning After Suicide is not light reading, nor is it meant to be. Primarily, you could assume this book’s target audience is those who have experienced losing a loved one through suicide but, due to the plethora of
surrounding issues such as; double murder, mental health, relationships, eternal implications for suicides relating to Christianity, guilt of a parent, attitudes of others, media, when and how to move on after such a tragedy and many more, this inspirational work of Astrid Staley could reach a much wider audience.

With a theme of God’s grace woven through the pages like a warm blanket, as I closed the book and reflected on the tragedy of Jade Kimberley Quilligan and her family, I remember the last words as they resinate through
me, “Out of the ashes you will arise a trophy of My Grace.” These were the words that gave a mother, wife, pastor, lecturer and most importantly, a child of our heavenly Father enough comfort and hope to endure the days, weeks, months ahead. A story of how God’s super-abundant grace and unfailing love, “…can take you through the most heart wrenching experience and restore life to you once again.”

Review by Katie Edge –  November 2011

Hi Astrid…Just wanted to say I finally finished your book… once I picked it up I couldn’t put it down…I found it very enlightening… I too was a sceptic of whether a suicide person goes to heaven and struggled with that for many years… I had a friend who suicided  and murdered her 20 month old son by jumping of the Westgate Bridge in 2009. I didn’t really talk to too many people about it except my psych at the time. Like yourself I found such an inability to discuss such a topic… no one knew what to say… Unfortunate it made it to the news paper and I was at work people were talking about it, this was before I realise who it was… another officer actually knew the paramedics who found them so I actually knew more detail then I cared to know once I knew who it was.I was the last person she reached out too… I received a text message hours before she jumped… at the time I was stuck down with a migraine the worst I had ever had and since… knowing what I know now I worked out very quickly that migraine was a spiritual attack. I remember the light from the phone was too bright for my eyes and barely made out what it said… but went back to sleep. I knew exactly what was happening with her and why she did it… but I was riddled with guilt for a very long time… I tried to reach out to her but I also had so much going on in my own life and I just could be there as much as she needed me. I strongly believe I will see her in eternity one day as she loved God, but just couldn’t cope with her life and all that it involved!

So thanks for sharing your story and putting a new perspective on the subject… a much needed book. I look forward to helping other through such a horrific time in there life in a more informed and knowledgeable way.

Review Anonymous - November 2011

Hi Astrid,

I have been giving this topic and feedback on your book a lot of thought. Your book gives really good insight into what people go through when faced with a suicide of a loved one, both at the time and in weeks and months following. It is helpful to learn of the attitudes of those who come into contact with grieving families.

It is a valuable contribution to discuss the history of this topic. I didn’t realise that suicide received applause and approval throughout history, however when you referred to the plays of Shakespeare it became obvious. I thought it was more a 21^st century issue until reading its history. While it is not applauded today the shame factor is still present.

I agree with your position on page 101 that the devil plays a part in this and of course he is the author of
destruction and evil. The human being in their right mind possesses the instinct to survive, rather than die. Someone drowning will do everything they can to survive. Self destruction is the opposite of this.

You are right in saying that we have no right to judge as to what anyone’s position is with God at their
death and I agree that we don’t know much of a person’s final moments on earth (p102). Judgement rests with God. As I understand Scripture, the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit (Matt 12:32), which in turn results in no eternal heavenly life. Exodus does say not to kill. I would say that in the case of self harm, from God’s point of view it would come back to whether the person was in a healthy state of mind or not. Depression being a chemical imbalance in the brain, unless treated renders the sufferer unable to change their behaviour. God is a God of grace and love and I can’t see him punishing someone who is unable to function normally.

I believe the two eternal options, heaven or hell are not discussed and stressed enough both in and out
of the church. There is little understanding out there of what happens after death and where the spirit goes. Unbelievers think the dead go to heaven anyway because they did good things on earth so why wouldn’t God accept them? There is little understanding of the importance of decisions (eternal) made while one is living. There needs to be more teaching on this and more discussion of it in the secular arena by believers.

As you say there are many contributors to suicide today. The sub culture groups such as Emo promote it
and some secular music lyrics also promote, or glorify it. The many contributors should be addressed more seriously and therefore save lives.  I find that the youth can be very self centred, as society relentlessly promotes. I notice that when things don’t go the way they want them to, ending it often seems the only option.There doesn’t seem to be the resilience there found in past generations, to keep going. However I know that some kids are under enormous pressure with family breakdown and violence both within and outside the family.

Suicide is trivialised to a point as well. I head up the Children’s Ministry in my church and had one of
the Grade 3 boys suggest during a discussion that suicide was an option and he was serious.  As you say Astrid there is a long way to go in teaching and training leaders and Christians and in the secular in dealing with those left behind. I would really like to see Harvest address this. This problem will not go away and is increasing. Often at these times people will turn to the church and hope that Pastors and believers will have all the answers. It is true that if this problem is not addressed adequately, the families may blame God or turn away from Him (p45). I have one more semester to go in my course and haven’t come across this topic yet, although haven’t done the Youth Ministry subjects.

Definitely attitudes to suicide out there in the church and community need to change. We can’t just leave families to deal with it on their own in the best way they can. I think the example Jesus set and taught of loving one another is a place to start. Those around grieving families may not know what to say or do but I doubt that they would be criticised for showing love.

It’s a huge problem and there are many families dealing with it. Is the book for sale in the secular book
shops? People could use Christian input on this topic. I pray for you and your family and we know that God is a God of grace, love and peace that passes our human understanding. We will know the answers when we stand before Him face to face.

Review by Margriet Givord –  November 2011

Hi Astrid,

I read part of the book. I actually had to put it away for a while as it was too hard to continue reading it.I picked up on God speaking through you in the enormous strength He gave you to deal with the death of Jade and her little son. But I also looked at my own children and realised I cannot even start to understand  the pain you and your husband have gone through.

I am not sure where to place it at the moment but it certainly has made an impact, I will pick it up again and finish it. Even when people’s grace is not always there, God’s grace and power is amazing. I think this book has helped and will help a lot of other people going through a similar ordeal.The taboo on depression, suicide and mental health needs to be lifted and I am convinced your book is a step in the right direction!

Review by Kerrie Stevens –  November 2011

This study of suicide through the author’s own very personal and emotional story is thought-provoking and eye-opening. The story offers encouragement and hope to those who have been touched by suicide. The tracing of the history of attitudes towards suicide is something not often discussed when talking about suicide and its effects on those remaining behind. I found your book very interesting, but also very personal and emotional.

Review by Carmel Holden –  November 2011

Hi Astrid,

I finished reading your book on the weekend and was just trying to put my thoughts together.

My Dad and brother suicided and my sister has had several attempts.  It’s comforting to know that there is a possibility of them being saved.  I don’t know where they were at with God.  I have seen what you were talking about with the demonic influence.  After a few of my sisters attempts, my husband felt God was saying that demons were involved and that she should seek deliverance.  At the time we attended a Baptist Church and knew nothing about this.  I found an Anglican counsellor who worked in deliverance and went with her to the appointments as he liturgically led her through a process of renouncing various things and casting out demons.Since then she has only had one attempt but it has been many years since that, so she seems healed of this.

I am very thankful to have been able to learn from your study and insights seeing as this has been neglected in Christian teaching.  I think your book contains essential knowledge for Christians.  I hope that people will take the time to understand this theology for the sake of supporting and ministering to those in need in this area.  It would be great if all Christians could get some teaching on this.  Perhaps a non-academic version of the book would be useful.  It would be good to have some advice based on your findings for those experiencing suicidal thoughts as well as practical advice for supporting others, including adults and children, Christians and non-Christians, those contemplating suicide, or surviving an attempt and those left behind after suicide.

Review by Alphonsa –  November 2011

Dear Astrid,

Yes I have finished reading your book “The Morning After Suicide”.To be honest I had to force myself to put it down each time I had to go to work and leave the book half read.I was eager to get to the end and read every word because it meant so much to me.Since my brother’s suicide I bore alot of guilt,doubt,fear and grief because I thought his soul was lost forever and he will never be in heaven with me and our family when Jesus takes us home to Him.But your book gave me hope and consolation to know that our Heavenly Father is so gracious that even in the act of taking our own lives in the midst of total despair and desparation that He is merciful and will forgive us all our iniquities just because He gave His only begotten Son to die on the cross for us. When Jesus hung on that cross He took on Himself our sins and bore the wrath and fury of an Almighty God once and for all and paid the price once and for all so that even God cannot by double jeopardy charge us for our sins.Jesus paid the price “It Was Finished” on that cross on calvary.What an awesome God we serve!!! No words are enough to explain or express what I feel in my heart for a God so great as this who is a Father,Saviour,Redeemer and Friend.

I thank you for all the effort you have put into writing this book and I sincerly hope and pray that the words of your book will bring comfort, hope and healing to everyone who reads it.May our God and Father richly bless you,lead you and guide you all the days of your life and as He uses you may your journey in the world bring Him all the glory, honour and praise in Jesus matchless name I pray. Elizabeth(Alphonsa).

Review by Jodie Safaric –  November 2011

Hi Astrid

‘The Morning After Suicide’ broke my heart. It is a testimony of how all things are possible with God.

I never questioned my thinking about suicide before and yes I must admit that for some reason I thought all suicides did go to hell. I don’t anymore. Who am I to think such a thing.  This book opened my eyes to the necessity of the deliberate renewing of the mind, there is a very real spiritual warfare to battle and God’s love and grace is bigger than the brokenness and darkness of the world.

Thank you for sharing Astrid you are a mighty warrior.

Review by Bianca Talevska –  November 2011

As I picked up to read ‘The Morning After Suicide’ I immediatly knew that God would speak powerfully to me through this book. As I read of Ps Astrid’s journey with losing her daughter to sucide and the way in which she drew upon the Lord for strength during time of such great despair and heartbreak, I could only use this as inspiration and encouragement for the trials I’m faced with in my own life, which seem so small in comparison. The way in which she depicts her story, in such a raw way, left me only imaging of what it would be like to be in such a position and more importantly how powerful the love and grace of God is. The explanation of suicide, through biblical and historical principles gave me a deep understanding of the topic,  which I can now use in my own walk with the Lord and in my ministry with young people.

Thanks to Ps Astrid I now have a clearer picture of what suicide is and I know that it will enable me to now look at suicide with a completely different perspective.

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